10-5 Bike

Rode my bike again today with my mp3 player. It's nice to hear songs while I'm riding. I don't know if anything's happening with my body. I guess I just let it go. But there's a part of me that is bummed out. Maybe more bummed that I'm older, than having a big body. Anyway, just bummed. I need to get back to the floor and meditate more regularly. I see myself getting so tangled up in the passing phenomenon. It's just flow, passing by. And so is the bummed feeling, too. Sometimes I wonder if it matters that I'm on a journey to slimness, or on a journey in meditation, or on a journey in my music career. If it's passing flow, then does it really matter? I know I read something about that somewhere. Yes, it does matter. I forgot why.

I think it matters because these are the very moments I can observe and be mindful. I can watch right now, the feeling of disappointment that there is not something bigger than just the songs I've written and the gigs I've played. I can watch my lack of ambition when I exert energy, riding into the wind, knowing that there will not be even one ounce lost from this body. I can watch how turbulent and anxious I become with life events when I don't take the time to center myself and sit in meditation. I can watch how I do everything else, but that which benefits my feeling of well being. I can watch it without judgment. I'm not bad. I'm not good. I'm just here observing the flow...